Question: Can a person openly identify as gay or lesbian and still be a Mormon in good standing?

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Questions

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• Members are encouraged to lie about their sexual orientation
• This isolates them from other members
• Denying your sexual identity is harmful

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Detailed Analysis

== Those who identify as straight, gay or bisexual are welcome in the Church and can go on as all other members. When a person joins the Church, they take upon themselves the name of Christ. We are taught to shun any identity which conflicts with this identity. The Church recognizes that a person's orientation is a core characteristic, but emphasizes that it is not the only one. We are encouraged not to identify ourselves primarily by our sexual feelings, but this is different than being closeted. We are not encouraged to lie or pretend to have another sexual orientation. This counsel extends to all, regardless of sexual orientation.

People who identify as straight or gay are welcome in the church

In 1998, President Hinckley said:

People inquire about our position on those who consider themselves so-called gays and lesbians. My response is that we love them as sons and daughters of God. They may have certain inclinations which are powerful and which may be difficult to control. Most people have inclinations of one kind or another at various times. If they do not act upon these inclinations, then they can go forward as do all other members of the Church. If they violate the law of chastity and the moral standards of the Church, then they are subject to the discipline of the Church, just as others are.^[1]

In 1999, President Hinckley taught:

As I said from this pulpit one year ago, our hearts reach out to those who refer to themselves as gays and lesbians. We love and honor them as sons and daughters of God. They are welcome in the Church.^[2]

While President Hinckley avoided directly labeling anyone as gay or lesbian, he was directing his welcome to those who did make use of the label. In no case did he say that only people who shun the label can go forward as all other members, but specifically said that those who considered themselves to be gay could go on as all other members. There was no request for them to hide their identity or to change their vocabulary.

There have been some instances where the Church has employed the use of the term gay to refer to people with same-sex attraction or to people involved in homosexual behavior. In response to backlash from Prop 8, the Church released this statement:

Allegations of bigotry or persecution made against the Church were and are simply wrong. The Church’s opposition to same-sex marriage neither constitutes nor condones any kind of hostility toward gays and lesbians. Even more, the Church does not object to rights for same-sex couples regarding hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights, so long as these do not infringe on the integrity of the traditional family or the constitutional rights of churches.^[3]

In response to a petition by the Human Rights Campaign, the Church made the following statement:

While we disagree with the Human Rights Campaign on many fundamentals, we also share some common ground. This past week we have all witnessed tragic deaths across the country as a result of bullying or intimidation of gay young men. We join our voice with others in unreserved condemnation of acts of cruelty or attempts to belittle or mock any group or individual that is different – whether those differences arise from race, religion, mental challenges, social status, sexual orientation or for any other reason...

Further, while the Church is strongly on the record as opposing same-sex marriage, it has openly supported other rights for gays and lesbians such as protections in housing or employment.^[4]

In 1997, President Hinckley said:

Now, we have gays in the church. Good people. We take no action against such people -- provided they don't become involved in transgression, sexual transgression. If they do, we do with them exactly what we'd do with heterosexuals who transgress.^[5]

Counsel not to label people

In general, Church leaders recommend against labeling anyone, including yourself. Labels detract from our divine nature as children of God. In 2010, Bishop Keith B. McMullin taught:

When I was a youngster, my mother discouraged me from using common language when speaking of sacred or special things. For example, instead of referring to an expectant mother as being pregnant, she encouraged me to say “she is expecting a baby.” In Mother’s view, the latter description was more respectful and reverential, the former more clinical and common. Her teachings have had a salient effect upon me. The older I become, the more meaningful is her wisdom. The more we see and speak of intimate things as mere biology, the less likely we are to view and understand them in the context of exalting theology. ^[6]

This counsel can also apply to using the label "straight" or "gay" to refer to children of God. In 1995, Elder Oaks taught:

We should note that the words homosexual, lesbian, and gay are adjectives to describe particular thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. We should refrain from using these words as nouns to identify particular conditions or specific persons. Our religious doctrine dictates this usage. It is wrong to use these words to denote a condition, because this implies that a person is consigned by birth to a circumstance in which he or she has no choice in respect to the critically important matter of sexual behavior.^[7]

While we have been counseled not to label ourselves or others by their sexual feelings, it is not considered a transgression to do so. Elder Holland shares a story of one young man who identified as gay. He told him:

But knowing why you feel as you do isn’t as important as knowing you have not transgressed.

Even though he assured this young man who identified as gay that he had not transgressed, he still offered this counsel to the gay-identified young man.

You serve yourself poorly when you identify yourself primarily by your sexual feelings. That isn’t your only characteristic, so don’t give it disproportionate attention. You are first and foremost a son of God, and He loves you.^[8]

Our true identity

Elder Wickman teaches that a person's orientation is a core element of one's identity, but not the only one.^[9] Brigham Young University

Elder Dallin H. Oaks noted a natural human tendency to use a single facet of our personality or experience as a large part of a self-definition:

I think it is an accurate statement to say that some people consider feelings of same-gender attraction to be the defining fact of their existence. There are also people who consider the defining fact of their existence that they are from Texas or that they were in the United States Marines. Or they are red-headed, or they are the best basketball player that ever played for such-and-such a high school. People can adopt a characteristic as the defining example of their existence and often those characteristics are physical.

We have the agency to choose which characteristics will define us; those choices are not thrust upon us.

The ultimate defining fact for all of us is that we are children of Heavenly Parents, born on this earth for a purpose, and born with a divine destiny. Whenever any of those other notions, whatever they may be, gets in the way of that ultimate defining fact, then it is destructive and it leads us down the wrong path.^[10]

It is through obeying the commandments that we find our true identity. Elder Bruce Hafen taught:

To accept the invitation early, we simply need to stop—in midair if necessary—and turn away from whatever we were going to do. If it is too late for that, the invitation of an aroused conscience can still be accepted by a visit with the bishop and by a few other well-known steps of repentance. This approach will also stop the pain, but it will also leave you true to yourself and to the universe of God’s reality. At the same time, your capacity for joy will be undiminished—it may even be enhanced through newly discovered self-control.[11]

Some use a self-identity as "homosexual" to imply or argue that acting on homosexual desires is an inevitable or proper outcome, since it is simply "who I am." The Church teaches, rather, that our temptations, unhealthy desires, or sins do not define who we are as children of God. Instead, members of the Church have taken upon them the name of Christ. Any identity that conflicts with that identity should be shunned.

Denying a gay identity

Most of the people with same-sex attractions who have not had a homosexual experience also do not identity as gay.^[12] Critics argue that it is not healthy for homosexual people to reject a gay identity or suppress their homosexual attractions. They argue that the only way to be well-adjusted is to come out as a gay person.

Because of the massive opposition to people who want to reject a gay identity, a task force set up by the APA investigated the matter. They found that there is no clear harm in denying a gay identity. They found that for some people, a religious identity was stronger than their sexual identity, and instructed counselors not to preclude the goal of celibacy, but to help clients determine their own goals in therapy, and that together with support groups, the therapy can change a client's sexual orientation identity. Dr. Glassgold, the leader of the taskforce, summarized the findings by saying that there has been little research about the long-term effects of rejecting a gay identity, but there is "no clear evidence of harm" and "some people seem to be content with that path."^[13]

Due to the results of this study, the task force recommended sexual orientation identity exploration for clients with unwanted same-sex attractions. Psychologists are recommended to help clients explore which sexual orientation identity best suits their needs and values. The psychologist are then recommended to help clients transition to their new identity. They list as possible new sexual orientation identities for people with same-sex attractions as:

1. Heterosexual
2. LGBT
3. Disidentify from LGBT (such as ex-gay)
4. No specific sexual orientation identity^[14]

A person could assume any of these identities and still be a member of the Church in good standing. None of these identities have been found to cause any harm.

Are members encouraged to be closeted about their sexual feelings?

There is a difference between not identifying yourself primarily by your sexual feelings, and being "closeted". A person can be honest, share their feelings with others and be comfortable with who they are, including their sexuality, while still realizing that they are first and foremost a child of God.

When we take counsel in isolation, it is easy to be confused as to the intent of the counsel. Counsel given to members must be given in light of other counsel. Throughout LDS scriptures, members are given a commandment to be one. D&C 38:27 reads:

I say unto you, be one; and if you are not one ye are not mine.

Isolating yourself interfers with the process of being one. Elder Robert D. Hales taught:

Why is it that some of us fail to learn the very critical point that we did not come to this life to live it alone? You can’t hide your actions from self and others. Polonius’ advice to his son, Laertes:

This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Hamlet, I, iii, 78–80

is valid, but must be qualified and expanded to include the concern for how to be true to yourself and your fellowman. The “isolated self” shut off from the Light of Christ makes us become fallible—open to delusion. The balance and perspective which come from caring about others and allowing others to care for us form the essence of life itself.[15]

Not only are members counseled to care for others, but to allow others to care for them. Part of being one is mourning with those that mourn, and comforting those that stand in need of comfort.(Mosiah 18:8) This applies equally to those who have struggled with their sexual attractions, regardless of the orientation. Elder Oaks teaches:

All should understand that persons (and their family members) struggling with the burden of same-sex attraction are in special need of the love and encouragement that is a clear responsibility of Church members, who have signified by covenant their willingness “to bear one another’s burdens”

Isolating yourself from others and carrying your burdens by yourself intefers with these other commandments. Not only are members allowed to disclose their sexual feelings to others, they are encouraged to share their feelings with the Bishop if they find these feelings to be a struggle.

Are members encouraged to lie about their sexual feelings?

The counsel not to give sexual feelings undue attention is very different than lying about it or completely ignoring it. There has never been any counsel given to members that they should pretend to lust after a group of people that they are not actually attracted to. There is a difference between being prudent in disclosing sensitive topics, such as struggling with lust for either gender, and being dishonest.

Honesty with others and with oneself has always been taught and encouraged in the church. In D&C 97:8, the Lord says the only ones that are acceptable before Him are those who are honest in heart. The 13th Article of Faith teaches that we believe in being honest and true. President Monson taught:

The oft-repeated adage is ever true: “Honesty [is] the best policy.” A Latter-day Saint young man lives as he teaches and as he believes. He is honest with others. He is honest with himself. He is honest with God. He is honest by habit and as a matter of course.[16]

Members do not have to make their sexual feelings the subject of unnecessary attention in order to be honest with themselves and with others.

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Answer

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== Notes ==

1. [note]  Spencer W. Kimball, "President Kimball Speaks Out on Morality," New Era (October 1980): 39.
2. [note]  Boyd K. Packer, "Balm of Gilead," General Conference (October 1987).
3. [note]  “Free Agency and Freedom,” Brigham Young University 1987–88 Devotional and Fireside Speeches (Provo: BYU Publications, 1988), 46–47; the edited version printed here is found in Monte S. Nyman and Charles D. Tate, Jr., eds., The Book of Mormon: Second Nephi, The Doctrinal Structure (Provo: BYU Religious Studies Center, 1989), 13-15.; cited in Dallin H. Oaks, "Same-Gender Attraction," Ensign (October 2005): 9.
4. [note]  Boyd K. Packer, "Covenants," General Conference (October 1990).
5. [note]  Boyd K. Packer, "For Time and All Eternity," General Conference (October 1993).
6. [note]  Richard G. Scott, "To Be Healed," General Conference (April 1994).
7. [note]  Dallin H. Oaks, "Same-Gender Attraction," Ensign (October 2005): 9.
8. [note]  Richard G. Scott, "Trust in the Lord," General Conference (October 1995).
9. [note]  Richard G. Scott, "Finding Joy in Life," General Conference (April 1996).
10. [note]  Neal A. Maxwell, "According to the Desires of [Our Hearts]," General Conference (October 1996).
11. [note]  Henry B. Eyring, "Do Not Delay," General Conference (October 1999).
12. [note]  Neal A. Maxwell, "Content With The Things Allotted Unto Us," General Conference (April 2000).
13. [note]  Dallin H. Oaks, "He Heals the Heavy Laden," General Conference (October 2006).
14. [note]  Dallin H. Oaks and Lance B. Wickman, "Same Gender Attraction," interview with Church Public Affairs (2006). off-site
15. [note]  Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, God Loveth His Children (Intellectual Reserve, 2007).
16. [note]  Jeffrey R. Holland, "Helping Those Who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction," Ensign (October 2007): 42-45.

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