Question: How do Mormons believe that legislation regarding the definition of marriage may affect families?

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Questions

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How will legislation regarding the definition of marriage effect families?

To see citations to the critical sources for these claims, [[../CriticalSources|click here]]

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Families are central to Heavenly Father's plan of happiness. The Proclamation to the World on the Family states:

HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

This proclamation teaches that children are entitled to be "reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity". This emphasizes the unique values that only a father and a mother bring to child-raising. This is not to say that children who do not have this blessing, either through death, choice of the parents, or some other circumstances, are inferior or that they do not deserve all the support and protection we can give them. Indeed, it says when children do not have this blessing in their lives, other people should lend support when needed. Many children who are raised in single-parent families, raised by same-sex couples, orphaned, have parents who are absent, abusive or otherwise fail to fulfill their duty as parents, continue to grow up to be happy and successful. By underlining the importance of having a father and a mother, we do not intend to in any way bring disparity to people who are lacking a father or a mother.

This proclamation talks about many important characteristics of good parents, such as the responsibilities to "rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live." It would be a mistake to focus on one aspect of this proclamation, and ignore the other parts. Ultimately, love and compassion are more important anyway. In many cases, families that lack both a father and a mother are able to accomplish more with love and compassion than families that have both a father and a mother. It would be a shame to diminish a families worth based on one characteristic.

Some people argue because having a father and a mother is not the most important attribute in a family, that it should not be promoted at all. Multiple aspects can be important. We can have laws that protect children from abuse and laws that promote marriages between a man and woman.

Some people argue that laws promoting marriage between a man and a woman are targeted towards people with same-sex attraction. While they might have the greatest direct impact, many people who struggle with opposite-sex attraction also have problems respect the right of their children to be raised by a father and a mother.

Purpose of government involvement in marriage

For many people getting married, marriage is about the celebration of the love that they feel for their partner. However, the government is not involved in marriage simply to rejoice in people finding love, nor does it extend special privileges to married couples simply to elevate them above those who have not found love yet. As with many things, the government grants special privileges to marriages because it believes that doing so will have a positive effect of society. It does not grant special privileges to those who are married simply to elevate them to first-class citizens and degrade to a status of second-class citizens all those who do not want to find someone to marry, who do not want to marry the person they found, whose partner does not want to marry them, who are unable to find someone who qualifies, who have lost their spouse, or for whatever reason are not currently married.

By granting the status of marriage to a man and a woman who are in a committed relationship and willing to be married, it places value on the relationship, not on the people. These relationships are the only relationships that can raise the next generation to have a father and a mother. Many married people may chose not to have kids, but that doesn't change the fact that an opposite-sex marriage is the best guarantee that a child has to be raised in a stable home with a father and a mother. The government grants this special recognition because it hopes to promote the kind of families that will be the best for children. Marriage is a contract with the government. It signifies to the world that if children should enter into such a relationship, they will be raised by a father and a mother who honor their marital vows. If they break their vows, they risk hefty fines. Alimony costs can go up to $2500 per month or 20% of the obligor's average monthly gross income.

The government has a direct interest in making sure the next generation of citizens are being raised by a father and a mother. Elder Oaks explains:

"We believe that we must contend for the kind of mortal families that provide the best conditions for the development and happiness of children—all children...

"There are many political, legal, and social pressures for changes that confuse gender, deemphasize the importance of marriage or change its definition, or homogenize the differences between men and women that are essential to accomplish God’s great plan of happiness.[1]

The legal definition does not impose morality or take away rights, but it does effect how things are discussed in official settings, taught in schools, and ultimately viewed in the public. While people are free to form their families in any way they choose, many are looking for the best way to form their families. By understanding that having both a father and a mother makes a difference for children, many people will chose to form families in a way that would give that benefit to their children. However, the way things are going, few people think about the effects on their kids when they engage in sexual activity. They view it as a personal choice, and kids are simply the byproduct.

Effects on people with opposite-sex attraction

Over the last several years, society has seen a change in the purpose of marriage. The number of children being born out of wedlock has seen an increase. More children are being raised without both their biological father and mother. Even worse, many unmarried parents are choosing to kill their children before birth so as to avoid the hardship of single parenthood. The responsibility that comes with sexual relationships has given way to personal preference.

More and more society is seeing marriage as simply a celebration of love - to be entered into when it suits one's fancy and just as easy to get out of. The original purpose of marriage, to protect society's most vulnerable, has given way to simply a choice the parents make. No fault divorces are on the rise. Acting on your sexual attractions has become a fundamental aspect of who you are, and the notion of overcoming the natural man is being seen as repressive instead of liberating.

Some see this as a natural progression of society to be embraced. To many, changing the definition of marriage is simply bringing it more inline with the way that society already views marriage.

However, the Church sees this as a societal woe to be reversed, not encouraged. If marriage officially loses all connection to child bearing, less people will associate their sexual actions with having children. Since abstinence is the only completely effective form of birth control, more unintential pregnancies will occur. If people see marriage as simply a celebration of their love, people may wonder why they need the government to solemnize their love. They may wait longer to get married, or not get married at all. More children will be born into relationships without a committed father and mother.

Effects on people with same-sex attraction

Homosexual people who are in an opposite-sex marriage, may come to believe that in order to be true to themselves, they need to leave their spouse and find a same-sex spouse. While they should be free to do so if they so chose, they should not feel as if they are expected to do so. Often, their children lose their right to be raised by a mother and a father.

This is not an insignificant number of people. Homosexual men account for 3.0% of all divorced men and homosexual women account for 6.2% of all divorced women.[2] According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, "most children of same-sex couples are biological children of one of the parents". This does not include donor insemination[3], but for the most part are people who were in an opposite-sex relationship, but made changes in their life so that their children no longer had both a mother and a father. Dr. Gary Gates, research fellow at the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law and an expert on census data involving gay and lesbian households, estimates that "only 6 percent of same-sex parents have an adopted child, and a sizable number appear to be living in some kind of step-family arrangement, in which parents come out later and have children from an earlier heterosexual marriage or relationship,"[4] The Family Pride Coalition estimates that 20% of gay men and 40% of lesbian women are currently in an opposite-sex marriage, and 50% of gay men and 75% of lesbians have ever had children with an opposite-sex partner.

Many of these families are wonderful families who are doing their best for their children. We include these statistics to show that this is not an isolated phenomenon. While the church teaches that children have a right to be raised by a father and a mother, the church also teaches that parents must love their children, be faithful to each other, teach their children to be kind and honest, and many other things. It would be a shame to judge a whole family based on one characteristic. However, that does not mean that the one characteristic has no value. We still believe that fathers are important, and bring a unique value that cannot be simply replaced by a second mother. Likewise, we believe that mothers are important, and bring a unique value that cannot be replaced by a second father. While we feel it is important to recognize the distinct values of fathers and mothers, there are obviously many people who are orphaned, raised by single parents, by same-sex parents, or even abusive parents who turn out to be wonderful human beings.

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Answer

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Preserving the definition of marriage recognizes the benefit that a union between a man and a woman has for society that a union between two men or two women cannot offer, particularly in child-raising. This recognition does not take away rights from other couples.

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